14 Hours Of Sleep For Jesus

I was drinking with an ex-coworker and her born-again Christian friend this evening (thankfully the Jesus Freak waited until the ride home to spring the “Christ Is Risen” bit on me) and the following conversation occurred in the Ghost of War on the way home from the bar:

Jesus Freak: So Matt, do you want to go to church with me in the morning?
Me: Um, no. No thanks. No.
Jesus Freak: That is alright because Jesus still loves you.
Me: So let me get this straight. If I go to church Jesus loves me and if I do not go to church Jesus will still love me?
Jesus Freak: Yes. That is correct.
Me: Sounds to me like Jesus wants me to sleep in.

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