I love me some Olympics. I love the history, the majesty, the competition, the pseudo-sport “athletes” doing lesbian modeling shoots, the underage Chinese gymnasts and the ridiculously shredded Dara Torres looking like she could punch through the ass of a thoroughbred race horse. I long for this Friday’s opening ceremony in Beijing where anti-rain rockets will be fired into the atmosphere and crippling pollution will destroy the lungs of the most well-conditioned athletes. I look forward to the 29th Games of Olympiad to watch the best of the world compete on a grand stage and ogle hot female Olympians. I am especially anticipating rooting for my wife’s childhood friend and one of Arvada, Colorado’s native sons Casey Malone, who will be representing the United States in discus for his second appearance in Olympic competition (and just in case he forgot, I wish to echo what I told him at his send-off picnic: “If you do not come home with a medal, Malone, do not come home” which loosely translates in Brozovich to, “You show them, Malone. You show the world.”) Let the Women’s Beach Volleyball, and the games, begin.