Boy: Daddy, where is Aunt Becky? Me: Aunt Becky is at work today, buddy. Boy: Where is Grandpa? Me: Grandpa is in Ohio. Boy: Where is Captain America? Me: Fighting Nazis somewhere. Boy: Captain America is awesome. Me: Damn straight.
I have to give credit where credit is due: this kid has a fantastic idea for a Halloween costume. He does not need a double amputee to pull it off, however. Roll behind a Kohl’s and look for some discarded mannequin parts in the dumpsters. Piece together a torso and some arms and legs. Pick up some gold spray paint and you have yourself a rudimentary (yet light) C3P0. Imagine the logistics of having a double amputee strapped to your back all night. What happens if you (or the amputee) has to take a shit? Even without legs I am assuming a double amputee weighs 75 pounds (if not more). That is a lot of weight to be huffing around sober let alone with your veins pumping Jack Daniels. What if there is a slut dressed as Slave Leia at the party? Are you prepared for that menage-a-trois?
I think my idea for a Halloween costume is better than what this kid is attempting to pull of, anyway. Me as the “host body” and my infant son strapped to my mid-section as the alien Kuato from the movie Total Recall. I may have to hold out until next year for when the boy is talking so he can quip “Open your mind” upon presentation.
Ten things we do not understand about humans. I love how pubic hair made the list and I love even more that some scientist has studied pubic hair back to prehistory. For the record: we do not need explanations for why women prefer to go hairless.
With the recent retirement of NHL star Jeremy Roenick, Greg Wyshynski compiled a list of his top ten pop culture moments on Yahoo! Sports. Of course the mention of him in the movie Swingers was high on the list (#2). In reference to Roenick being a video game hall of famer I could not agree more. He was without a doubt the most dominant players on NHL ’94. I averaged a hat trick with him each time I played as the Blackhawks.
The thirty five worst celebrity tattoos. Fred Durst: thank you for confirming you are the biggest douchebag in a group douchebags. And Reggie Miller? Seriously?
“Your friend just posted the video: I have a video of you looking like a princess, darling.” Really? Who is going to click on that link, an 11 year-old girl? A flamboyant homosexual man who thinks he is a fashion model? At least entice me to click on a link that will infect my computer, Facebook Virus. Something like “Your friend just posted the video: Watch Me Kill This Hooker” or “Your friend just posted the video: Carlos Mencia Steals Bill Cosby’s Material” or maybe even “Your friend just posted the video: People Getting Hit In The Face In Slow Motion.” You have to want it, Facebook Virus. You have to want it.
DC Comics has decided to end Bruce Wayne’s run as Batman. I know killing off an iconic character got geeks and lukewarm comic fans alike to buy your graphic novel last time, DC Comics, but this is reeking of desperation. Take a page from Marvel Comics playbook and ditch marketing your printed books altogether and instead throw all your capital towards mediocre movies about second-tier characters. Another Batman movie has got to be better than Ghost Rider or Daredevil, right?
The sparsely posted on MB was experiencing some down time while Jake configured servers and did some technical shit that you probably didn’t care about nor appreciated. The website is back online now upon meeting with a therapist and listening to its Cure music library.
I just received a web change request from a woman named Kitty Pryde. I am planning to post the following to her Wikipedia page under “Powers and Abilities”:
Additional to phasing through objects, being a computer genius and skilled in multiple martial art disciplines, Kitty also works as an administrative assistant for a nameless Canadian oil & gas company performing the heroic tasks of finalizing Power Point presentations, providing vector-based logos, approving ad copy and being the primary contact for all web edits.
I am mesmerized by large, flat high definition screens, stereo surround sound, sub woofers that shake the house and anything that has an Apple logo on it. I am usually beyond anal retentive when it comes to keeping my electronics in immaculate condition. I cringe when the kitty gets too close to the multi-channel receiver or when the wife sticks a greasy finger too close to the 24″ display. Enter this past Sunday. A backpack carrying our treasured MacBook Pro was carelessly placed on the edge of a table in the Boise Airport terminal while Daddy was off procuring himself a Bloody Mary. An elbow (who’s elbow is not important) accidentally knocked the backpack off the table and turned our once beautiful MacBook Pro into a hideous and deformed beast. We still love you, MacBook Pro. Even if you look like Joseph Merrick.