New Years Hangover

The wife and I spent the Christian New Year within stumbling distance from the house by slogging it to a party in a foot and half of ice, slush and snow with a backpack full of booze. We welcomed in 2007 with burnt pizza, shots of Jack Daniels, warm Squirt chasers and countless games of Guitar Hero (Kaye and I rocked in 2007 with a head-to-head ax battle of Cheap Trick’s “Surrender” neither of us caring that it was past midnight). On New Year’s Day we invited the in-laws over to watch the Fiesta Bowl in High Definition and eat sweetened swine. Three native Idahoans were in the house as Boise State upset Oklahoma in overtime to go undefeated on the season and wreak havoc on BCS voting. Swept up in the heat of the win, famed running back and crochet master knitter Ian Johnson proposed to his girlfriend. In other news, Jessica Alba throws a football in a bikini.

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Riverdale Redux

One of my all time favorite comics is Archie because it is pure cliche, white bread Americana. I enjoy the simple artwork, the light-hearted story lines and the homoerotic undertones. With each issue I rooted for Archie to either come out of the closet to Jughead or grow some testicles and score with Betty or Veronica (or both). I definitely think Archie could have been the meat of a Riverdale love sandwich if he played his cards right (at the very least he could have pitted Betty and Veronica against one another for more entertaining story lines. I am talking about hot oil bikini wrestling matches, foxy boxing, pudding throwing and latex fashion shows). I even watched the made for TV movie Archie: To Riverdale and Back Again starring Lauren Holly a few years ago. It was terrific in its awfulness and its portrayal of Veronica as a turbo slut vying for Archie’s affections by showing up at his house in nothing but a trench coat and lingerie was awesome. Artist Steven Butler is giving the gang from Riverdale a facelift in 2007. I may have to pick up a Double Digest at the grocery store and get reacquainted with the kids when I am laying some foam ropes in the New Year.

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Running Off The Bird

The wife and I celebrated our annual Thanksgiving tradition and ran in the Denver Turkey Trot this morning. The weather was beautiful and my legs and lungs felt good. My iPod crapped out on me during mile 3 and after numerous attempts to reboot the device, I am now faced with retiring the old girl for one of those new fangled jimmys. Soon we will be off to gorge on basted fowl and curse Jake Plummer as he fumble fucks around on the gridiron and causes our beloved Broncos lose two in a row to division rivals. Happy Thanksgiving.

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Erect Penis Billiards

I just received a spam email that reads:

You always wanted to use your penis as a billiards cue. Our Soft Cialis Tabs can help you fulfill your dreams.

You know how to cut to the core of me, spam email. There is nothing I want more in life than to challenge some pool shark punk to a billiard contest, have them accept and then pull down my pants and run the table with my rigid erection. I would even chalk the tip before every shot just for effect.

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Unemployment Round Up

My third week of unemployment will include two web design job interviews; one in the heart of downtown Denver which is a block off the 16th Street Mall and the city’s main bus depot (I’m all about the public transportation) and one a few blocks away from Govnr’s Park which has amazing happy hour beers and a Slider Basket that would make Wimpy cry (the Won Ton Juans are equally as glorious). Keep your fingers crossed that one of these interviews will pan out before my severance runs dry and we will be subsisting only on a meager public school teacher’s income. The wife has yet to wear tattered clothing and babble incomprehensible phrases while standing over a barrel fire, but I can assure you that that time is nigh, my friends. Onto an unemployed artist’s browser history:

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Are You Gonna Be My Gourd?

With Halloween a few weeks away, here are some helpful links on how to make a Doctor Octopus costume and a fake human head in a jar. Tomorrow the future wife and I are off to the pumpkin patch at Rock Creek Farm in Boulder County to partake in our annual tradition of collecting over-sized gourds and saying things like, “I like this one. It has a good shape and it looks like a squirrel has not chewed the fuck out of it.”

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Super Tecmo Geekery

A list of active NFL players that were featured in Nintendo’s Tecmo Bowl and Super Tecmo Bowl. It is my opinion that Super Tecmo Bowl ranks in the upper echelon of early 90s video game perfection just under Sega’s NHL 95.

This weekend the wife and I attended a house warming party where the drunken host, Tyler, broke out his Nintendo console for a fix of Super Tecmo Bowl. I played in two games going .500 for the evening. I took the Kansas City Chiefs to victory in game one, dismantling my opponent with ease as the Nigerian Nightmare shredded the feeble defense of whoever it was I was playing against (the team escapes me as I was six gin and tonics into the evening and up by two touchdowns before I could blink). In game two I was handed my ass in a rematch of Super Bowl XXIV. I foolishly chose the Denver Broncos (who could not win a big game in this era if their lives depended on it) and a young, mistake-prone John Elway tossed four picks to give the 49ers a decisive victory.

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Yahoo! Web Hosting Sucks

Thanks to Jake and the good people over at Joyent, the MB is humming like an old lady in line for the early bird special at Country Buffet. Over the weekend, I spent a good chunk of time drinking, working on freelance activities and setting up Broz Design.

On a related note: It took over an hour to cancel my web hosting service. After attempting to close the account online (due to errors on their end I was not able to), I had to call customer support. I was placed on hold and transferred between departments for almost an hour until I finally reached a competent customer service associate. She apologized for the run around and for Yahoo! not contacting me when their rates dropped. She then refunded my last two payments and made a humorous and deprecating remark regarding her current employer. In short, Yahoo Web Hosting (except for the capable customer service associate Julie) sucks the sweat off of a dead donkey’s balls.

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The MB Drinks Whiskeys, Listens To The Cure

The MB will be experiencing down time for few days as I ditch Yahoo Web Hosting and make the transition over to Joyent. After being a loyal customer for just under five years, Yahoo Web Hosting failed to inform me that my package was lowered five dollars nearly six months ago and did not bother switching me to the lower rate automatically. After emailing Yahoo about this oversight, they responded with an auto-generated email thanking me for my inquiry. In short, Yahoo Web Hosting sucks the sweat off of a dead donkey’s balls.

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