All the Friday the 13th Movie Posters. I caught the 2009 Reboot on late night cable a few months ago and I think it should qualify as a new movie genre; Horror Porn.
Hot Girls with Hulk Hands or Hot Girls with Nosebleeds? Personally, I lean towards the hot girls with nosebleeds. It’s the mystery of how she got the nosebleed that does it for me. Something to be said for that instead of her posing with some random kid’s sticky-ass toys she picked up off the floor.
Prom advice from a second grader that knows too much about life. Well played, Emma Clark.
A history of modern art in three paragraphs. Marcel Duchamp did change art forever. As for the Dadaists being radically opposed to rational thought? That does not make them punk rock. It just makes them rebellious.
Ted Kennedy is sleeping with Jesus. It has been a bad month for the Kennedys. I think Dennis Leary had it right: “They shot JFK, they shot RFK and when it came down to Ted they just said, ‘Leave him be. He will fuck it all up on his own.'”
The world’s strongest vagina. It can lift 14 kilos? Whatever. I would like to see what it could do with ping pong balls. Seriously. I would really like to see that.
A father and son that kill and bury hookers together stay together.
I could not agree more, John Niven. Because you record some awesome shit like Dirty Diana you get a free pass of the kiddie-touchin’? Not on my watch you dead, twisted, clown-looking freak. It is not like you revolutionized industry and tried to get us to hate on some Jews. You fingered little boys in the ass and should be vilified accordingly; especially posthumously.
Ed McMahon is sleeping with Jesus. Ed was most famous for being the Lancelot to Johnny Carson’s King Arthur, hosting Star Search and giving old ladies heart attacks via Publisher’s Clearinghouse. I was unaware that Ed was a retired Colonel and accomplished pilot in WWII and Korea.
Timberlake absolutely killed Saturday Night Live over the weekend. I am loving the Color Me Badd personas he and Samberg take on. Acid-washed jeans? Christ.
The Denver Nuggets have been rolling through the first two rounds of the NBA playoffs. The main reason? Homegrown talent Chauncey Billups. I remember watching Chauncey eat my high school alive in the state basketball tournament back in ’94. If the Nugs win it all, there is no player more deserving of MVP honors.
Rwanda, fifteen years after the genocide. The new government granted Get Out Of Jail Free Cards to most participants of the single largest mass murder in African history.
Elena Basescu, daughter of Romanian president Traian Basescu, looks like an Eastern-bloc Wynne Cooper, is running for European Parliament and likes to mount fallen horses to pose for pictures.
The saddest and happiest headstone I have ever seen.
The Sears Tower is getting renamed the Willis Tower. Nice work, Sears. I can just hear my dead grandfather Broz renouncing his brand loyalty to all Craftsmen products on the other side.
Does this generation of middle-school kids even know who Wynne Cooper is? Did they lust after her 13 year-old frame and fantasize about making out with her in Paul Pfieffer’s basement after the Sadie Hawkins dance like the pubescent Matt Brozovich did?
Mr. Belding rocks the karaoke and is releasing a DVD/CD called Karaoke With Your Favorite Principal Dennis Haskins, aka Mr. Belding. I enjoyed his duet rendition of “Mustang Sally” with the ever-vapid Brook Hogan. Someone should have told Mr. B about Brooke’s cock before he dropped all those sexual innuendos.
Fetal Bites: America’s number one fetus cookie cutter. Upon purchase I foresee Scottish Shortbread fetus cookies in my future.
A giant pregnant anaconda is slain. Seeing all those dead anaconda babies strewn about gave me a Temple of Doom vibe as opposed to a JLo/Ice Cube vibe.
