Critically acclaimed adult film star Savanna Samson wine. Her wine making business is the result of wanting to do something that her parents could be proud of because filmed double penetration and homo-erotic baby oil massages was not enough.
Twenty-five strippers and their respective mug shots. These dancing ladies of the evening were busted for all manner of illegal activities including cocaine peddling, prostitution, lewdness, exposure of sexual organs and the improper solicitation of alcohol sales. I respect the attitude of dancer number three, I appreciate the lifeless cocaine-addled eyes on dancers number six and fifteen and I am certain dancer number twenty one is smuggling plums. After browsing through this gallery, I think I would pay most of these women to keep their clothes on rather than take them off.
Ass-vertising equals marketing genius. I will admit and make no apologies for my shallow objectification of the female form, but you cannot tell me that hot girls, short skirts and taut asses will not sell some goddamn film.
- Carrot Top is shredded. Regardless if he is cut out of wood or not, he is still a closeted homosexual. He is wearing scary man mascara, for the love of baby Jesus.
- An Australian model could face a maximum of 15 years in an Indonesian prison for being caught with ecstasy. Based on her picture, I would pay to see her in an Indonesian prison reality show. The program may only air for two hourlong episodes but it would be the best thing to happen to television since the moon landing.
- After overhearing a conversation in the company break room, I thought a filmmaker had finally captured my dream on celluloid: a menage-a-trois sex scene involving bacon. I was disappointed upon learning that it was a menage-a-trois sex scene involving Kevin Bacon and another man. One dick in the room is one dick too many.
Insane? No. Mentally ill and making a fourteen year-old boy the undisputed king of his middle school? Yes.
- An image bank of celebrities playing table tennis. My personal favorite is Mr. Ed wielding the paddle.
- If you gave someone crabs and need to let them know send an eCard. There is nothing like getting notified via email that you have gonorrhea. My favorite feature is the ability to send one card to multiple addresses (a.k.a. the “slut blast”). I am tempted to send an email to my entire contact list informing them that I gave them herpes and signing it Ron Mexico.
I like the way Michael Vick plays NFL football with the running and the throwing and the eluding of pass rushers the size of Mack trucks. I also like the way Michael Vick, er, Ron Mexico, gives the ladies herpes.
The six gay penguins have shown no interest in their new female companions and remained faithful to each other. The zoo will now fly in fundamentalist Christian penguins to get the sexually deviant male penguins to repent, reproduce, and then live in an emotionally distant and sexless marriage with their female companions while engaging in some hot gay action on the side.
With the 2004 Olympic Summer Games forthcoming in Athens, athletes from all over the world are training their bodies, preparing mentally for competition and waiting in anticipation for the drunken fuck fest that is the Olympic village.
Life expectancy is dropping in Africa thanks to the AIDS. In Zambia, 17% of the population has the virus and a child born between 2000 and 2005 can expect to live just 32.4 years. Damn. We need some altruistic condom company to bring relief via free prophylactics. The time is nigh to rubber up on the Dark Continent.