My mom called this morning to inform me that the boy was exposed to some form of a coughing disease a few weekends ago at her house (my young nephew being the little monkey from Outbreak in this scenario). I told my mom that this weekend the boy was exposed to the drunken stupidity of my sixteenth annual fantasy football draft, his dad repeatedly calling the Rockies a “bunch of dirty ball sacks” for getting swept in San Francisco and the assorted programming of the History Channel including Gangland and one very disappointing show about prison tattoos that mostly focused on the Aryan Brotherhood of Texas. She said I should get him get him “checked out” just to be safe.
- Ten things we do not understand about humans. I love how pubic hair made the list and I love even more that some scientist has studied pubic hair back to prehistory. For the record: we do not need explanations for why women prefer to go hairless.
- With the recent retirement of NHL star Jeremy Roenick, Greg Wyshynski compiled a list of his top ten pop culture moments on Yahoo! Sports. Of course the mention of him in the movie Swingers was high on the list (#2). In reference to Roenick being a video game hall of famer I could not agree more. He was without a doubt the most dominant players on NHL ’94. I averaged a hat trick with him each time I played as the Blackhawks.
- The thirty five worst celebrity tattoos. Fred Durst: thank you for confirming you are the biggest douchebag in a group douchebags. And Reggie Miller? Seriously?
An Unemployed Artist’s Browser History
- The sex trade is booming in post-Katrina New Orleans.
- Patricia Arquette spilling out of assorted items of dress.
- Wikipedia for the Battle of the Trebia, the first major battle of the Second Punic War.
- A teacher who worked in the public school system for two decades after she was caught kissing and groping a 13 year-old student at an middle school dance, became pregnant by a sophomore in high school who she married upon his graduation in 1985 and invited her teenage son’s 15 year-old friend to move in with her and then seduced him.
- Map of US Fatalities in Iraq (by home of record).
- The rise and fall of an Indian reservation drug dealer. Jake digs the bear claw tattoos prominently displayed on homegirl’s sweater puppies. He would.
- A dissertation on the NBA logo. The article argues whether the logo should be redesigned to reflect the current culture of the league or remain the way it is. I say redesign the logo to something that is indicative of the modern NBA; a tattooed kid with cornrows that cannot play defense and has no outside shot but can dunk like a hungry police officer at a coffee shop.
- Tanith Belbin has made me a fan of Olympic ice dancing. There. I said it.
How To Announce Your Presence With Authority
The magical world of eyebrow tattooing. I am pretty sure tattooing “Fuck You” or “Aryan Honor” on your face limits any legal career pursuits and automatically makes you guilty of anything subversive going down within a ten mile radius.
- A mother has sold her face and dignity for a tattoo advertisement. She says the money will go to her son’s education because he is falling behind in school. If the kid inherited his mom’s brains then I can understand why he is falling behind in school.
- Takeru Kobayashi has won his fifth consecutive hot-dog eating title retaining the coveted Mustard Yellow International Belt.
- Stella’s groove consisted of a scheming homosexual, embezzlement and duplicity.