This past weekend the wife and I celebrated our final Valentine’s Day sans children. Next year, we will be up to our elbows in shitty diapers, crying babies and “dress-up” clothes covered in baby vomit (or so I am told). We were told by many to savor our final Valentine’s Day out which we semi-scoffed at because we have never really been “Valentine’s Day people.” I am of the opinion that greeting card companies have inflated Valentine’s Day’s importance and think overpriced flowers, chocolates and/or stuffed trinkets sent to a lover are fleeting (if not ridiculous). I tend to buy the wife flowers on a semi-frequent basis and remind her I love her everyday and she, in turn, keeps me happy by accepting whatever career path I may be on that particular week and consistently makes me cookies, banana bread and blueberry muffins. So when Valentine’s Day rolls around, we tend to do what we did this past Saturday; grab a steak early in the afternoon with the blue-hairs and catch a matinee at the local movie theater. Nothing says “I love you” like Clint Eastwood slinging some racism ala the late Grandpa Broz.
- Tips on managing Millennials (or as I like to call them “The Participation Ribbon Generation“). Not willing to make routine sacrifices, cannot handle criticism well and take things too seriously, you say? I am guessing it had something to do with an entire generation being raised with a sense of entitlement, hyper-sensitivity and not being allowed to fail. Guess we should have kept score at their Little League games after all.
- The perfect Valentine’s Day gift: Afghani War Rugs! Now available in the new, delicious 9/11 Flavor!
- Roger Clemens throws his wife under the bus to protect what is left of his sterling professional baseball reputation. Well played, Mr. I Did Not Use HGH But My Bitch Wife Did.
Are you still contemplating what to get your lover for Valentine’s Day? Look no further than an Afghan war rug. Nothing says Be Mine Forever quite like it.
With Valentines Day fast approaching, young lovers are scrambling to find each other the perfect gift. If you are at a loss for ideas on what to get your sweetheart this year, try this on for size: GWAR is coming in concert on February 15 at the Ogden Theater. Trust me on this one; tickets to a GWAR concert would show your mate how much you love and respect them as a person. Picture this scenario: You and your lover go out to a nice dinner, a fancy steakhouse or someplace where you can get a nice piece of fish. You take a drive into the mountains. You whisper sweet nothings into each others ears. You make love in the backseat of the car. To conclude the magical evening, you go to the music hall and listen to insane thrash music and watch in wonder and joy as a giant vagina spews fake menstrual blood out of its opening, and a giant, hairy cock sprays the unsuspecting crowd with large amounts of semen. All this occurs while grown men and women dressed like barbarians and Oakland Raider fans simulate murder and rape. Who said romance is dead?