Corpse Lovin’

Me: Then there are these fucking guys.
Jake: I like how you lead into that.
Me: (bows).
Jake: Dude thought the obituary picture was cute? Never mind that she died in a motorcycle crash.
Me: Yeah. She’s dead, fellas. How about you try to tap the living, first?
Jake: Well, I would rather they try this than rape Tommy’s little sister.
Me: I would rather them not rape anybody, dead or alive. I do like how they bought condoms. That was thoughtful.
Jake: Yes. You don’t want to catch maggots.
Me: Or get the corpse pregnant. What were the other dudes going to do while their boy got his Ted Bundy on?
Jake: See if he liked it and then take a poke if it was any good?
Me: Yeesh. There are sloppy seconds and than there are sloppy seconds with a dead body. That is the lowest rung on the sexual deviance ladder. While we’re on the topic, I’m thinking they should have bought some lube with those condoms, too.
Jake: Totally.
Me: You know, a guy I play hockey with kind of looks like one of those dudes. His name is Dave. He probably has sex with the dead, too.
Jake: Nice.

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