Death By Vulcanized Rubber

Yesterday, a squirrel ran underneath my moving car and committed suicide. I saw the little bastard out of the corner of my eye as I drove down the street and assumed he would not tempt fate by running into the street until I was past. As I came closer, the disturbed vermin darted out from the curb and I flattened his ass. The squirrel had some emotional issues and my Firestone radial happened to be a means to an end. He is survived by a family of ninety infested with the bubonic plague.

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  1. Dammit, man. Had me laughing out loud there. Nothing like making a little joke out of the suffering and death of a tiny, nearly helpless mammal. I’m asking you now: Please volunteer to write my obituary?

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