Jesus, PETA Do Not Dig On Swine

Bacon is an amazing greasy and crispy treat that makes life worth living. I love eating bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwiches, bacon strips and steaks wrapped in bacon. Apparently, Jesus and PETA do not want me to eat bacon. I urge PETA to quit influencing the Lord in order to make one feel guilty about their bacon consumption. PETA should eat their bean sprouts and tofu, help the asexual panda copulate, finger-bang a vegan and save the world in silence and peace. I did not get to the top of the food chain to gnaw on grass, leaves and berries. Our species has survived eons on this planet by jabbing a giant, meaty animal with a spear and eating the fuck out of it. I understand PETA’s stance; they want animals to be treated with dignity and respect. Until humans start treating each other that way, however, cows are baseball mitts and pigs are lunch.

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