King Disappointment

The future wife and I spent the weekend knee deep in errands for the impending nuptials, so we decided to take it easy on Saturday night, throw back some Fat Tires and watch Peter Jackson’s King Kong. At first I was smitten with the film, enjoying the mindless action, the undertones of bestiality and watching Naomi Watts scream and run about in her moist camisole. The movie than degenerated into a never ending orgy of agony as the final hour dragged on like an introductory statistics course and I found myself wishing Kong would plummet to his death from the Empire State Building like the stupid primate he was. Thanks for taking the mantle from Spike Lee on not knowing how to end a film, Peter Jackson. The future wife tried to keep steam from blowing out of my ears by cheering for Naomi’s naked breasts to make an appearance for the sake of my sanity. Alas, it was not to be. I reminded her that epic blockbusters historically never show the naughty bits and that if I wanted to see Naomi’s exposed fun bags I would watch 21 Grams. Unfortunately one has to endure a nude Sean Penn, a soul crushing plot and a depressing sex scene for the pay off, but I think it is worth it. At least it is not Monster’s Ball. Or Requiem For A Dream.

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15 Comments

  1. this was not a summer blockbuster.
    it came out december 14, 2005. sorry you did not like it. i loved it & thought watts & serkis were great. could have done w/fewer dinos & creepy-crawlies though.

  2. Nice of Jen to cheer for boobies – that’s a true find right there! I agree on the creepy-crawlies – that was killing me to watch. I thought the whole thing was severely overdone – from the running of the dinos to the 40 minutes it took Kong to get on stage, break out and climb that damn building! I just wish that Jackson had actually watched the original – it used to be a nice concise movie (and actually quite interesting to watch from a historical and racial prospective – love the potato peeling, broken english asian). Anyway, don’t know if I’ve ever said this to you or not, but congrats on the whole nuptial thing and I hope planning isn’t too stressful.

  3. Jen was also agitated during that “insects attack!” scene. I think the capper was when one of the sailors was ingested by the worm via his head. Of course, I found that awesome. Thanks for the love; planning isn’t getting to us all that much because we’re drinking our way through it.

  4. Broz, elope!

    Seriously, man… get the hell out of Dodge and don’t tell a soul. Our’s on Saturday and there’s still a ton of shit to take care of in the next 3 days.

    Run fast and run far and remember to take Jen with you.

  5. Dude…Congrats! Are you kids honeymooning anywhere?

    I wish we were eloping. Circumstances beyond our control (read: 3 out of 4 parents) wanted the big Texas wedding. Luckily, most of the business is done. Can’t wait for the St. Lucia. I won’t even know my name for the first two days.

  6. Bring it on needledicks, if you like getting your head stuck in my grip like a faulty tire iron stripping a lug nut. You all know where I hang…cum see me.

  7. Uhm, yeah. Headlocks aside.

    Broz: We’re hitting Riviera Maya again in July. We went down to Playa del Carmen three years ago this past April; this time will be about 40 minutes south… but still on the Caribbean coast of the Yucatan.

    I really want to check out St. Lucia at some point, but I think we’ll hit St. Maarten again before that.

    Regardless, we’re both (all four of us) are beyond the point of elopage… but I would urge all the other fellow Broz-fans to forego the ceremony and… um… just fucking elope.

    It will serve your sanity well.

  8. get outta here, Broz- Kong was teh wizzack- I wanted my money back. And all of those people that post one here from Matt’s old job- I know who you all are- and I’ll definitely square any of you away if I ever meet you in real life- you’ve been warned.

  9. The only ‘Kong’ that Ci$co knows is the Kong-sized dildo that his pet goat uses on him.

    Baaaaaah.

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