Last night, after a strenuous ice hockey game I settled on the couch to catch the 2005 Grammy Awards (a.k.a. the Ray Charles Suckfest). Some highlights:

• Usher is the R & B equivalent to the second coming of Christ. I missed the memo.
• Producers, not kids downloading music illegally, are killing the music industry. Example: Ray Charles posthumously wins Album of the Year for Genius Loves Company. Ray’s longtime manager and twenty white men dressed in thousand-dollar suits walk to the stage to accept the award. If you were ever curious where the majority of your money goes from a CD purchase, look behind the sweet old black man in the bow tie.
• That Alicia Keys is one talented, piano-playing bitch.
• Ease up on the mascara, Billie Joe.
• Thanks for the dissertation on tsunami relief and copyright laws, Mr. Head of the Grammys. Now please shut your hole and let Usher collaborate with a musical fossil.
• Britney won Best Dance Recording with “Toxic” which left me pondering one thing: Where is the C & C Music Factory when you need them most?