Last night, after a home-cooked Italian feast courtesy of my mother, we settled on my parent’s couch to catch the 2009 Grammy Awards. Some highlights:

• I now remember why I have not watched a Grammy Awards show since 2005. Its called Coldplay.
• Enough with the onstage collaborations. Seriously. I doubt anyone in America has been dripping in anticipation for a Paul McCartney and Foo Fighters jam session. There is a reason why two Beatles are dead; God does not want the surviving members to play their songs anymore.
• I cannot count how many times Dean Martin must have turned over in his grave after seeing MIA destroy his song. Being as his next of kin were in the audience watching, I believe they were legally within their rights to kill one (if not all) of the performers that took a shit on Dino’s memory and then wiped their asses with it. Except maybe MIA’s unborn child. That kid is innocent. My rage spares the unborn.
• Alison Krauss and Robert Plant recorded music together? I thought Robert Plant was dead. At least he has been dead to me after the Honeydrippers fiasco.
• Is there anything left for Kanye West to not bitch about? Even the Commish is with me on this one.
• Stevie Wonder. Sigh. You just make me sad.