Smurfette Is A Communist Whore

A dissertation on the Communist leanings of the Smurfs. I agree that the Smurfs have some Marxist tendencies but I feel that the sexual promiscuity of Smurfette is more of an issue. I know you are thinking that Smurfette represented all that was noble, pure and innocent with heterosexual Smurfanity, but I urge you to consider the following points:

  1. Smurfette was the only female Smurf in the entire village. With an approximate 300 to 1 male to female Smurf ratio, are you naive enough to believe that she never threw a male Smurf the blue whiz?
  2. The male Smurfs did her biding whenever she asked with no questions asked. Hefty Smurf would throw furniture around the house for her. Painter Smurf would paint her mushroom. Handy Smurf would build her bookshelves, tables and stools. And the list goes on. All of these tasks were performed out of the kindness of the male Smurfs hearts? Please. The only way men perform manual labor for any woman is if they are planning on sniffing her panties in the foreseeable future.
  3. Papa Smurf would routinely send the other Smurfs into the forest for Smurfberries leaving himself and Smurfette alone to their own devices in the deserted village for countless hours. He is called “Papa” for a reason.
  4. After a few seasons, baby Smurfs magically “appeared” in the village, their presence being explained by the stork theory. Is it unreasonable to believe that a village full of Smurfs at the height of sexual maturity did not hit skins with Smurfette to make some Smurf babies?

It is my conclusion that the Smurfs are not only Pinko scum, but that their female archetype Smurfette was the community bicycle and everyone took her for a ride.

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