Spare Change?

It would suck to be homeless in Denver right now. It’s goddamn cold. I do not give panhandlers anything for two reasons:

  1. I never carry cash or change. I am all about the cashless society written about in the book of Revelation.
  2. I prefer not to enable addiction. I am not saying all panhandlers are addicts, but a good number of them are and I would rather not be chipping in on a bottle of Thunderbird (unless they’re splitting it with me).

It is not to say that I am unsympathetic to the plight of downtrodden. Our society casts aside those that are mentally ill, unemployed and otherwise down on their luck. I look at the homeless and see tragedy. I am quick to remind myself that if I chose some different paths in life, I might be on that street corner self-medicating and begging for relief, too (whether it be in the form of cheap wine or a half-eaten meatball sandwich that someone tossed in the trash).

I do not ignore beggars like most people do. I acknowledge them, tell them no and go on about my business. I have had some funny exchanges with panhandlers over the years and here are but a few:

Beggar: Spare change, sir?
Me: No.
Beggar: C’mon, man.
Me: No.
Beggar: Do you not have any or do you not want to give me any?
Me: Pick one.

Beggar: I need a dollar, man. Give me a dollar.
Me: I do not have a dollar.
Beggar: …looks the future wife up and down… With a lady like that I can see why.

Beggar: …leans over railing of an outdoor cafe and points to my garnish… Hey man, are you gonna eat that?
Me: Yes.
Beggar: You are gonna eat that green stuff?
Me: Yes. It cleanses the palette.
Beggar: It also gets rid of cotton mouth.

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  1. Aww, is it a bit cold there? I feel for you Denver residents…

    Maybe this February when I’m digging out of 3 feet of snow because I have to get to work (which will take about 3 hours to drive less than 20 miles and the snow will still be here in April), I will feel even more sorry for you…

    Wait, your temperature will probably be 40 degree’s then. Forget it, suck it up! Tough love baby!

  2. Who’s the one whining, MN native? “I have to dig out my car for three hours, blah, blah.” Boo-hoo. Why don’t you move, then? Asshole.

  3. I see that Minnesota Climate has issues reading…that must be why we still have snow in April – can’t read a calendar and see that it is spring…

    Really, except for the one or two truly sucky day’s, Minnesota is quite perfect. No tsunami’s, hurricane’s, earthquakes or avalanches. Yeah, there’s the occasional tornado or blizzard, but who doesn’t enjoy a day off now and then…

  4. Dear Sex Boat, since the majority of body parts on the boat were fake, I don’t think we can consider it a “Natural” anything…

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