The Blizzard That Was Not

Today Colorado was hit by a late season snowstorm. I am refusing to acknowledge this storm as a blizzard even though all the news stations are. The future wife was out running errands this morning and she reported that the roads were not bad (half of the stores she went to were open and the other half were closed; including the local coffee shop which meant that Daddy did not get his Sunday morning latte). I drove across town this afternoon to play in a hockey game and the roads were wet but mostly clear. The rink was closed due to the storm. Can you believe that shit? A hockey rink closed due to the snow? Sacrilege. This is not a blizzard. March 2003, now that was a blizzard. I was snowed in for two days and the power was out. Open up the coffee shops and the hockey rinks you goddamn tourists.

Fuck you, snowstorm that is not a blizzard.

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  1. I always learned that the definition of a blizzard was significant snowfall + significant winds. If that was the case, yes, we experiences a blizzard. But I just looked it up on and got a much more technical definition:

    “A violent snowstorm with winds blowing at a minimum speed of 35 miles (56 kilometers) per hour and visibility of less than one-quarter mile (400 meters) for three hours.”

    I have to agree completely that it is not significant news, especially considering how driveable the roads remained. The local news was a joke. The first 15 minutes (I turned it off after that, I couldn’t take anymore) was all about snow. They might as well have said “Nothing significant happened in the past 24 hours in the U.S. or the world. All eyes are on Colorado and our to-be-expected snowfall. Keep it here for a full half hour of snow coverage.”

    They had a stupid alert come on during a show that muted the program to beep loudly for five seconds and inform us that it was snowing outside. “NO SHIT! IT’S SNOWING!? Let me check outsid– Holy shit, their right! C’mon everyone, gather ’round the window. Look at all the snow! Thanks 7news. Thanks Whey Wong. Your hard hitting investigative journalism has come through for me once again. Now I can say with confidence that it is in fact snowing.”

  2. Don’t be hatin’ on Whei Wong, Mark. I love me some Whei. Whenever there is some shit going down, Whei is out there in the FOX news van getting the story. Unlike that high-maintenence Libby Weaver getting all dolled up during commericals in the warm and dry newsroom.

  3. I got to go with Heidi Hemet, that chick just looks dirty. Once she’s done with the live shots, you know she’s looking for a Winston, a Bud Light, and some scraggly dirt-bag/frat boy/visiting businessman.

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