Yesterday I rolled into the local liquor superstore Total Beverage to replenish my depleted garage refrigerator beer stocks and keep the wife happy with a thumb-hole jug of Tanqueray and assorted flavors of tonic water. Total Beverage is a magical place where the end of the liquor rainbow meets with the weakness of humankind to form an alcohol purgatory where all stripes and strata of society are equal in the eyes of their liquid master. In the checkout line I witnessed the following things:
- Two morbidly obese females getting their fake IDs confiscated by the manager.
- An Eminem reject attempting to purchase two 40 ounces of Olde English and a carton of GPC Basic cigarettes only to realize that he did not have enough money to purchase said items. He eventually settled for one 40 ounce and one pack of smokes.
- A frazzled store clerk having the following sarcastic exchange with an oblivious 8-Mile after he figured out his money situation:
“Why are you guys so busy today?”
“It’s Mother’s Day Weekend. Mom’s like to get down.”